It is well known that communication is the key to good relationships. And of course, our family members are our dearest relationships… (Or at least that is our goal!)
In the light of these facts…
Why do we allow our family relationships to fall victim to the busyness of life?
All too often it’s because we don’t know HOW to establish cornerstones of communication in our own families.
By and large, the easiest way to establish communication is through family meetings. Read More
Oh trust me I know what you’re thinking. Family meetings are silly. Things that only a tv family does in a moment of crisis. A total waste of time. My family had the same eye rolling, reaction… even my husband.
All that being said, properly applied, our family meetings are a great way to keep those doors of communication open!
Now I’m not saying it will happen after one meeting or even two… But it is easier than you think. Given time, consistency and properly conducted, family meetings will establish communication and connections in a way you never imagined.
Family Meeting Rules
Firstly, let’s cover the rules essential to properly conducting your own family meeting. In order to foster an environment focused on communication, the rules apply to everyone… Yes, even us parents!
Rule #1: Respect
Give everyone the opportunity to speak. Everyone else should actively listen, remain calm, make helpful suggestions and consider all the options.
Avoid interrupting. Don’t downplay anyone’s opinion. Stay focused on the meeting by not working on other things.
And parents, keep in mind family meetings are an opportunity for everyone to communicate freely. NOT an opportunity to lecture! Avoid “mom voice” at all costs.
Rule #2: Focus on family
In order to make meetings productive for every member focus on family communication, NOT self-communication. These meetings are a time to resolve concerns or share information that affects the entire family.
This is not a time to share concerns that you aren’t hoping to resolve (ie- venting) or pushing a personal agenda.
Keep in mind, that doesn’t mean topics aren’t personal in nature! Personal connection is the goal of family meetings! However, the discussions have to play into the dynamic of y’all as a whole.
What family-focused means will be different from one family to the next. For instance, if your child has a personal desire to join an activity that would require fees, the arrangement of rides and the such; that is definitely a meeting topic. If your child would like to be able to earn money doing chores, that is quite likely a meeting topic. However, if your child wants a particular gift for their upcoming birthday– that is not a meeting topic. Not saying it’s not one worth discussing! Just not at a family meeting.
Rule #3: Participation
As I stated above, everyone is given the opportunity to speak. That being said, remember the discussion should not be self-focused. To help this happen, each person thinks of three topics to bring to the meeting.
A few points of advice: Don’t focus on personal failures, this can greatly hinder communication. Additionally, we do NOT require everyone to participate in the discussions. If someone is particularly quiet, I make a point to ask if they have any thoughts on the topic being discussed. But as long as everyone is actively listening no one is required to share.
Rule #4: Adults have the final say
Adults having final say might seem counterproductive to family communication. I assure you, it can be the glue that holds your meeting together.
Some of the ideas that will need to be vetoed are obvious – like the kids’ grand idea to go to Disneyland for spring break when it is simply NOT in the budget! Some are more nuanced- like if the parents have brought up for “discussion” that the kids will start to do their own laundry. The kids may be against the idea, but adults do have the final say.
Word of warning though- use this rule sparingly. The goal of a family meeting is to improve communication. Exercising final say authority unnecessarily can hurt communication.
Family Meeting Agenda
Now that you have a clear understanding of the rules, let’s look at what our family meeting covers. Of course, your meeting doesn’t need to follow this agenda to the “T”- but it has been very effective for us.
Address the upcoming month
Like most families, we stay pretty dang busy. To keep all the wheels turning smoothly we make sure we discuss certain topics every month:
Upcoming events: B
Needs: School supplies, clothing, toiletries, lunch money, cookies for school, etc.
Miscellaneous: Contributions to the household (aka chores). Plus we let each family member request a favorite meal to be on the meal plan for that month. (I make the meal plan as part of my weekly schedule.) We also share any goals we have for the month.
Open the floor for discussion
Once we have covered the upcoming month, we address each person’s list. Often a person will have nothing to bring up for discussion because everything on their list was addressed in discussing the upcoming month. This is fine! As long as they are actively participating don’t stress anything else.
Close meetings on a high note
Finally, at the end of each meeting, our children receive their weekly allowance for the previous month. Then we close each meeting with a fun activity!
Paying allowance on a monthly basis teaches our children not only patience in waiting until “payday”, but also budgeting because they know that money has to last the whole month!
Closing with a fun group craft, board game or card game may seem unimportant, but I highly recommend you not skip this step!
Our family spends a lot of time together but, like many families, it is often spent watching movies or tv. Focusing on an activity that requires interaction provides a completely different, more valuable experience.
All in all, following the meeting with some fun
something to look forward to AND secretly reinforces communication and togetherness!
A Final Note
Take notes! LOL!
All puns aside, I take notes of the full meeting so my husband and I can tackle tasks during our Sunday Strategy Meetings throughout the month. In fact, I encourage everyone in our family (that can write) to make notes of any actions they need to take in the upcoming month as well.
Additionally, occasionally a topic will come up that IS family-focused- but not an immediate concern- like my daughter wanting to plan a summer activity… in January! I will make note of these topics to discuss in the appropriate month’s family meeting.
Just as important as taking notes is following through!
Make sure you revisit the topics that were set aside! Additionally, things like goals made or contributions committed to the previous month should be followed up on.
Ready for Change!
So if your family has fallen victim to the business of life don’t hesitate to give regular meetings a try! As you can see, they are easier than you might think and totally worth the effort!
Want more tips on building family relationships? This fact sheet from the University of Delaware is really informative!!
Do you have any family meeting tips to share? Other ways you improve communication? I would love to hear them, comment below!